Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I can count

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

How do I get over a long-term relationship breakup?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t cotton to rapists

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I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I have complete contempt for traitorism

My cantankerous beagle is very badly behaved at the dog park and always starts barking at the other dogs. Would pepper spray be an effective method to correct his inappropriate behavior?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

My ex got into a relationship within 2 weeks after a breakup. What should I do?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

Does turmeric help fight cancer? If so, how?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I have a reading level above third grade

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

What is your secret to glowing skin?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I can read

How do schizophrenia symptoms change throughout the day?

I have complete contempt for fakery

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

Is Gupta Nilayam season 1 of Raghul Vasudevan completed? Can he compile and send all Episodes at once as a long story?

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Is it possible for humans to determine their past life as an animal? Is there a scientific method to prove this?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

What are some reasons why some men choose to live alone instead of getting married?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

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I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t buy bullshit

Have you ever been forced to undress for money just once?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I actually pay taxes

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Why does my crush make me jealous about having a girlfriend?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Why do entitled people demand that I pick up after my doggo when he goes to the bathroom? Do they not know that doggy doo decomposes & feeds the plants?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Why do some people hesitate to say 'I love you' even after their partners have said it first? How can one interpret this behavior from their loved ones?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I see through liars

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t